Insert Profanity Here

In response to the email sent to me by a random person about this blog:

Here's the thing...I use bad words. Lots of them. All the damn time. If, for whatever reason, this offends you, please allow me to make a suggestion. Stop reading.

It really is that simple. If you don't like my language, don't read this blog. It's kind of like if you don't like what's on television, change the fucking channel. Your internet browser comes with this really nifty little feature called a back button. USE IT!

It is not my fault that your (obviously unsupervised) kid did a random internet search for something or another and came across this blog and learned some interesting new words. Words, I'm guessing, you had a rather hard time explaining to her because the are not included in "Jerry Fallwell's New and Improved Born Again Christian Dictionary". Tough shit.

First...I am not your kids babysitter. The last time I checked it is your responsibility as a parent to monitor (or at least be vaguely aware of) what your child watches on television, listens to on the radio or reads on the internet. What's next? When your kid is last seen on a bus heading for Utah to visit some random 45 year old man she met on the internet is that going to be my fault as well? Grow the fuck up.

Second...I am sincerely curious how you formed the opinion that because I occasionally use the word "fuck" that I'm a "radical feminist lesbian" a "damn liberal" and a "pagan" who is "going to hell" because I don't "have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ". Just for giggles lets address those statements:

• Radical Feminist - Feminist, yes, and extremely proud of it. Although I'm not sure how radical I am.
• Lesbian - Who gives a shit?!?! Seriously...can you not read? How many times have I mentioned Nick (my husband) on this site? Just to set your small little mind at ease: Nick's a man.
• Damn liberal - damn straight
• Pagan - More like agnostic
• Going to hell - this is very possible
• Because I don't have a personal relationship with Jesus Christ - nope, but I do have a relationship with Jesus Garza, the maintance man in my apartment complex and I'm sure this should count for something.

While I'm sure the precious virgin eyes and ears of your kid are going to be forever warped by reading the word "fuck" on a blog, there are seriously worse things out there. Republicans, for one.

I'm also sure that by reading the word "fuck" on a blog that she's not damning herself to the eternal fires of hell. Nor is this going to lead her to a life of pot smoking depravity where her only career choices are "Emminm Entourage Member # 62" or "Donkey Show Perfomer in Tijuana".

If you're sincerely worried about what your kid is reading on the internet why don't you show her some of your favorite sites. I'm sure she'll find the Young Republican website fascinating and perhaps if you're lucky she'll even start a Bill O'Riley fan site one day.

Better yet, get out of the house and go do some of your favorite activities with your kid. I'm sure she'll be thrilled to spend the day protesting at your local Planned Parenthood or sending pipe bombs to Hillary Clinton. Oh...and I realize you're in league with all that is crazy, so let me say right now...don't do either of those things, I was only kidding!!!

Just in case I wasn't clear enough in the above paragraphs, let me just sum this up in 8 small words for you. I promise...no big words that will confuse you...

Fuck off. Get a life. Stop emailing me.