Monday, December 05, 2005

The Rage Part 1

First of all, let me just say that cooking a shitload of Mexican food for a whole bunch of people you don't know is not only expensive as hell, but a royal pain in the ass.

My friend's bridal shower was Saturday and I had agreed to cook all the food. No big deal, I'm a good cook and I wanted her to have a nice bridal shower, but sweet mother of God I will never do that for another person again. Less you think I'm overreacting here...Amy (who was co-hosting the shower with me) is in full agreement over never doing this for another living soul ever again.

I have serious doubts that my kitchen will ever look the same again and I fear that there will be dried, crusty, queso stuck to my microwave for the next 50 years at least. The salsa on my kitchen floor however, provides some much needed color to my floors, so I think I'll keep it there.

Sunday morning I'm still digging guacamole out from under my fingernails and Nick tells me that we need to go to the Galleria to exchange the sheets that almost got me shot. This does not make me happy because I avoid malls like the plague as soon as the holiday shopping madness starts and add to that the fact that I have major PMS's a pretty sure thing that THE RAGE is going to show up.

Nick sees that I'm in no mood to get out of bed, much less haul my ass out to The Galleria, so he bribes me by offering to take me to Empire Cafe for breakfast. There isn't much you can't get me to do if you take me to Empire first.

It's a gorgeous day so parking was scarce when we get to Empire (and I loathe driving around looking for a parking spot) so The Rage is starting to rear it's ugly head, but we find parking and get me some coffee just before I start to completely loose it. Crisis averted.

We eat our yummy eggs over foccia bread with pecan pesto and organic tomatoes and head to the Galleria. There are eleventy billion people already there. This does not make me happy as we have to go on The Great Parking Space Hunt again.

We finally find parking and go into Macy's (that hell spawn devil store) and Nick goes up to the counter to return the sheets. He very nicely explains that the salesperson gave us the wrong size and all we would like to do is make an exchange for the correct size. The stupid fucking bitch from hell at the counter looks at Nick and asked "Well..did you pay for these?"

EXCUSE THE FUCK OUT OF ME?!?!?!, we stole them and wanted to exchange them for the right size because we are stupid criminals who can't be bothered to shoplift the correct size sheets.

The department manager hears Nick say "Um..yes we paid for them and it's pretty damn insulting for you to ask me if we did when I have a receipt and the return sticker is on the package" and comes over to see what the problem is. Nick explains how the stupid girl accused him of theft and the manager said "Oh well, I'm sure she just didn't know any better". The Rage was building again and I said some not so very nice things to the manager.

We find the correct size sheets and Nick shows me the duvet cover he saw in the Macy's sale catalog that arrived in the mail. It was perfect, it was on MEGA sale and we really need a new duvet cover and a new bedroom set in general, so we decide we're going to buy the duvet cover, dust ruffle (although it's not ruffle-y at all so I'm not sure why they call it that), pillow shams and blanket. This sale was too good to pass up. We go to purchase said bedroom stuff and find out from the same incompetent-ass-manager that the sale doesn't actually start until this coming Friday and unless we want to pay an extra $250 I'm going to have to haul my happy ass back to The Galleria on Friday.

The Rage was getting worse, but I actually have to finish doing some work so I'll be back with Part 2 of this story a little later and will explain how I terrified my husband and bunch of old people in the Luby's parking lot.


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