Friday, January 19, 2007

Just a Normal Day...Until The FBI Showed Up

This, in a nutshell, was basically my day yesterday:

5:00 AM – Wake up to unruly and extremely rude puppy licking my ear and trying to pull the covers off of me because he’s bored and wanted to play.

5:10 AM – Contemplate killing puppy.

5:12 AM – Discover that throat is swollen, ears hurt, have massive headache and basically feel like I’ve been hit by a bus. Need antibiotics and sleep and not to have to go to work.

5:15 – 5:40 AM – Lay in bed debating weather to go to work or call in sick. Eventually decide that I need to go to work and wrap up some projects I’ve been working on.

5:45 AM – Reconsider decision

6:00 AM – Drag ass out of bed. Feed Max. Shower. Get dressed. Take cold medicine.

6:45 AM – Leave house. Head directly for Starbucks as I must have latte before I can even think straight.

7:00 AM – Idiot at Starbucks cannot fathom the fact that no, I don’t want to try the new cinnamon dulce frappa-whatever.

7:45 AM – Pull into parking lot at work

7:48 AM – Unlock office door and promptly spill coffee on myself

7:49 AM – Many bad words coming out of my mouth due to spilled coffee and discovery of massively increased workload. Find that in-box has procreated with email to create exactly 3 times the work I thought I had to get done today.

7:52 AM – Curse the weather gods that I was unable to come into the office on Wednesday due to car being frozen in a block of ice like Brendon Fraizer in Encino Man.

8:00 AM – Start organizing and prioritizing my day. Make plans to be all kinds of productive.

8:15 – 8:30 AM – respond to emails and phone calls…just a normal day.

8:45 AM – Call potential candidate for an open position we currently have to conduct a phone interview

8:50 AM – Hear some sort of strange commotion in the hallway. Get up and close door so as not to disrupt interview.

8:53 AM – FBI Agent busts through the door screaming something about a federal search warrant and telling me to back away from my desk.

8:53:30 AM – I very nicely tell the man on the phone “I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to cut this short because the FBI is in my office, but thank you for your interest in our company”.

8:54 AM – FBI man repeats his request for me to back away from my desk.

8:54:30 AM – The only think I can think to do is ask the FBI “Are you Shitting Me?!?!”

8:55 AM – The FBI informs me that the are not, in fact, shitting me.

8:56 AM – I back away from my computer and ask the FBI if this has anything to do with my calling George Bush a Nazi.

8:56:30 AM – I am informed that it does not have anything to do w/ my calling George Bush a Nazi.

Basically, after this encounter the FBI dude makes me walk around showing him where the conference rooms are and demands to know why we don’t have one conference room large enough to hold all of the employees.

Now…while I really would love to finish telling you all about the rest of my encounter w/ the FBI and all, I’m late for a meeting, so this is going to have to wait until I get home from work.


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