Fucking Valentine's Day Lovey Dovey Bullshit

I swear to you...I'm not dead, just busy. Gee...wonder how many entries I can start with some variation of that very sentence?

Nick and I have been together 11 years. Yes, we've only been married for 3 years, but I have commitment issues (if you know me, you're thinking to yourself "um..duh" right now). The thing is, we were never one of those revoltingly lovey dovey couples even when we first got together. Now, that's no reflection as to how I feel about my husband (because trust me, I adore him), it's just not my thing to be all demonstrative about my relationship.

Needless to say, I'm not a big fan of Valentine's Day. I'm even less of a fan of couples who are still reveling in the "newness" of their relationship, especially on Valentine's Day. I'm glad you're in a relationship and that everything is perfect and you're so damn in love you have to attempt to swallow your girlfriends face in public, but seriously...ENOUGH ALREADY!

I spent all Valentine's Day in my office, wearing all black and listening to Rob Zombie in the attempts to thwart the efforts of the well meaning, but clueless co-workers who popped in and out of my office all day saying stupid shit like "Are you ready for Valentine's Day?" or "What are you doing for Valentine's Day?". Hell, even the ones who just stopped by to wish me a "Happy Valentine's Day" were in danger of having a stapler flung at them.

First of all: Why the hell are you all wishing me a happy valentine's day? I'm not sleeping with you, I'm not planning on sleeping with you, nor am I going to buy you chocolate, so stop with the Valentine's Day greetings already.

Second of all: When the hell did Valentine's Day become something akin to Christmas? When the freaking clerk at Kinko's starts wishing you a Happy Valentine's Day something is very, very wrong. When the greeting card lane in the grocery store has cards that read "Happy Valentine's Day to the World's Best Step-Uncle" we have a problem.

I'll bet you $20 that within the next couple of years Valentine's Day will be a national holiday. The banks will be closed and we'll all get the day off of work to decorate our Valentine's Day Shrub (trees will still be reserved for Christmas), because this country has gotten completely out of control with the whole V-Day thing.

Third of all: If you're in a relationship...why do you need a designated day to show your adoration of the other party involved in said relationship? Shouldn't they know how you feel about them without you having to purchase a stuffed penguin holding a box of cheap, nasty chocolate? Seriously...does it take a $50 bouquet of half dead roses to solidify your relationship? What happens on February 15th? Do you go back to only acknowledging this person with "Hey bitch, get me a beer and a chicken pot pie"?

Okay...the very fact that I just wrote the sentence "Hey bitch, get me a beer and a chicken pot pie" leads me to believe that I'm just in too bitchy a mood to continue writing anything else today, so I'll shut up now and try to think of a less venom filled entry for tomorrow.

Maybe something will happen today to put me in a better mood. Perhaps Dick Cheney will shoot another 79 year old lawyer because that HAS to be the FUNNIEST shit I've heard in a very, very long time and has provided me with much amusement over the last couple of days.