Saturday, January 28, 2006

Ambien Makes Me See Spaceships and Tonka Trucks

It's 5:45 in the morning. 5:45 on a freaking Saturday. I have absolutely no idea why the hell I'm awake and the very fact that I am is just pissing me off at this point.

Here's the thing...I don't sleep. I don't mean I go through boughts of insomnia for a week or two and then everything goes back to normal, I mean I don't sleep. I'll go to bed, sleep for an hour or two and then toss and turn in that annoying half awake, half asleep state for 3 or 4 hours. Usually I finally fall asleep about an hour before that most evil of inventions, the alarm clock, wakes me up.

Those are the good nights. The bad ones are when I have one really bad nightmare after another.

Now, you're probably wondering why someone who has these problems doesn't do the sensible thing and just take a damn sleeping pill. Well...very bad things happen when I do that.

I was going through an unusually bad time with the insomnia a while back. We're talking no sleep, not even a nap for several days. I was loosing my damn mind and so my mother-in-law gave me some Ambein so that I might be able to get some sleep. Now what you need to remember is that this is a woman that regularly takes sleeping pills with a small glass of Congac just about everynight, so she has something of a tolerance. Not to say she's all Judy Garland about it, it seems to work for her, so whatever.

I decide that I'm going to take the pills in the hopes of actually getting a couple of hours of sleep, so I carefully read the prescription bottle. It specifically tells me to take two of the tiny little pills. I remember thinking that perhaps 2 pills might be a bit much, but considering the fact that my mother-in-law is so tiny that I can practically pick her up and put her in my pocket and it was her prescription I was taking, I didn't think it would be a problem.

I take the two pills and Nick runs out to the store for some ice cream and then we were going to watch a movie. He was gone for a total of 15 minutes and by the time he got back, I was cowering on the corner of my couch, my pupils dilated to the size of a dinner plate, telling him that I as afraid of all the people in my apartment and could he please make them stop staring at me.

There was nobody in my apartment. This wasn't good.

After looking around and seeing the Ambien bottle, Nick calls my best fried, Jen (not the one who just got married...this one lives in Louisiana and more stories about her, me and vodka will be forthcoming). You see, Jen's a drug counselor so Nick figured she'd know what to do. I vaguely remember Nick on the phone with Jen, but I was too terrified of the people in my apartment to really pay attention to their conversation. I do remember briefly speaking to Jen, but I couldn't tell you what she said or what I said. I talked to her a couple of days after and she said she couldn't understand a damn word I was saying because I was babbling like a crazy person.

At this point Nick decides it's time to take me to the hospital, something I flat out refused to do. I don't know why, all I know is that there was no way in hell I was going to go to the hospital. Nick told me if I could walk from my bed to the bathroom (about 10 feet) by myself, he wouldn't take me to the hospital. I walked about 2 feet and promptly passed out, crashing head first into the corner of my bed, gashing my head open in the process. Great, now I'm crazy and bleeding profusely.

Nick manages to get me in the car and starts driving to the hospital. I start freaking out in the car because I think I'm seeing one truck after another pass us on the road and was afraid of the little Tonka Trucks that were in front of the big trucks. I have no idea what the hell I was really seeing, but I thought it was some sort of Tonka Truck, Regular Truck parade and this freaked me out.

We get to the ER and there's a bazillion people there. Nick sits me down in the corner of the waiting room and goes to sign me in. He comes back over to where I am and tells me that it's going to be a couple of hours before we get seen by anyone. At this point I'm on another planet.

All of the sudden I start crying hysterically because I'm terrified of the people in the waiting room and am convinced they are all plotting to do something horrible to me. I am seriously cracking up at this point, so Nick calls our friend James who is an EMT. James calls ahead to another hospital in the area and tells them that we're on our way and they need to see me as soon as I get there.

So...back in the car and off to another hospital. I don't remember much of the drive, but apparently I thought I saw a spaceship land in Lake Woodlands and much more crying and freaking out insued. I do remember all the pretty, pretty lights, although I have no idea if they were really there or not.

We get to the hospital and are seen right away. They check me out, give me a tetanus shot and treat the gash on my head and give me a lecture about taking other people's meds. I do remember seeing an elderly man in a wheel chair and trying to engage him in a wheel chair race (yes, they had me in a wheel chair, because I was too fucked up to walk).

Nick gets me home and puts me to bed where I sleep for 18 straight hours, so I guess those pills did their job afterall. I woke up with what can only be described as the worse hangover I've ever had in my life (and that's saying something).

I guess I'm just going to have to live with the fact that I don't sleep since the doctors have expressly forbidden me from ever taking another sleeping pill as long as I live. I just wish there was something I could do that would actually let me sleep and not wake up at 5:45 on a goddamn Saturday.

Monday, January 16, 2006

The Reluctant Bridesmaid...No More Shots for Me!

So...the brother-in-laws wedding that was cancelled? Yep, it's back on, only now it's in October and they're going to have an actual wedding rather than just going to Vegas. Dumb move...go to Vegas...go now!

The kicker? Nick and I are IN the damn wedding. Now, it makes sense that Nick is going to be in his brothers wedding, but I barely know this girl. However, she doesn't have many friends in Houston and she asked me to be in the wedding after I had consumed many, many, unidentifiable shots and apparently I agreed.

Now, this is something that I have NO recollection of (damn you Rod, and your gazillion totally deserve that $200 bar tab). I wake up Sunday with a massive hangover and Rod and Ulysses passed out in my living room and I casually joke to Nick that he's going to have a new sister in law and he's got to rent a tux and go through the whole wedding drama we just got done doing with Brad and Jen. Nick gets this odd look on his face and says "Yes, but you're in the wedding too, so I'm not sure why you're finding this so funny".

WHAT?!?!? Now, I know we all drank a lot, but had my alcohol consumption reached new heights to were I agreed to stand up for someone I've seen twice in my life at her wedding? SHIT!!! Needless to say, Nick found this hilarious.

So now I'm going to end up having to throw another bridal shower (something I swore I'd never do again even for my own sister - who is wise enough never to ask me, so not so much of an issue there), plan another bachelorette party (wonder if I can ditch them and go to the naked bar with the guys like I did the last time), buy another $200 bridesmaid dress, shoes and all the other accessories and try to stay sane during all of this.

Damn those shots....damn them straight to hell, I say!

Here's the problem...I could just buy the dress and show up and the rehearsal and the wedding and leave it at that, but I'm completely incapable of doing that. If there's something to be planned and organized I'm damn well going to plan and organize it. I'm completely unable to just leave well enough alone. It just frustrates me when things are unorganized and don't run smoothly, so inevitably I end up taking over the planning and making sure that things go the way they are supposed to. It's a disease and I should be heavily medicated.

Second one should be subjected to my in-laws without much warning and an intensive training session. Now, they are nice enough people, but they just have certain ideas about how things should be and how people should act (women especially). They are fairly traditional people and The Omlette was their last shot at getting the nice, traditional Indian daughter-in-law they always wanted.

This poor girl has no idea what she's in for and after what I went through with them when I was planning my own wedding, there's no way I'm going to leave her to figure them out on her own. took me NINE YEARS...there's no way she's going to be able to do it considering she hasn't even met them yet and the wedding is NINE MONTHS away!

Although, part of me wants nothing more than to drink several more of those shots, sit back and giggle as the carnage unfolds. Is that wrong?

Thursday, January 12, 2006

My evil, evil, job

I hate my job. No, seriously, I really, really, really hate my job. I don't mean this in the "I had a bad day so I hate my job, but everything will be okay tomorrow" sort of way. I mean it in the "I'd rather be hit by a bus than ever have to go back to that hell on earth again" sort of way.

I accepted this position because it seemed like a great opportunity for me. It also seemed like a pretty cool place to work. Well...whoever prepared those idiots for my interview really should get into marketing because I bought it hook, line and sinker, and it was all COMPLETE BULLSHIT.

First of all, they pretty much misrepresented several things. The first of which is that they told me that this was a new position that had just been created because of the company's growth. Come to find out that there have been three previous project managers before me, the longest of whom lasted two months before quitting.

When I first met my boss, I thought she would be demanding to work for, but a good mentor and someone I could learn a lot from. Well, if I want to learn how to be a stark raving, bi-polar, lunatic, I'm in the right place. There is no rhyme or reason or even the slightest bit of consistency in anything that freak does. One day she'll tell me "I want such-and-such done this way. Don't do it any other way, no matter what anyone else in this office says. Only do this the way I'm showing you right this very second". The next day? You got it...she's screaming at me because "That's NOT how I told you to do this" when I'm doing EXACTLY what she told me to do.

The other thing that really annoys me is that everyone in that office is so goddamn two faced. One minute these people are in my office bitching about Laura (the fictional name of the very real admin. assistant). Two damn seconds later, Laura's in my office and they are just as sweet as can be. Don't get me wrong, Laura's not the only person they do this to. It's pretty much open season on anyone who does not happen to be standing there at the time. Hell...I'd loooove to know what they say about me when I'm not there.

Here's the other thing...why the hell are they all in my office bitching in the first place? For some reason people seem to thing that the proverbial office water cooler is not the actual water's my damn office. I can't tell you how many times a day someone comes in my office, plops down in my guest chair and starts gossiping/bitching/avoiding the boss. I am not kidding when I tell you that I had 4 people in my office at one point, who were doing NOTHING but bitching about the other people, who didn't happen to be in my office. The kicker? I wasn't even involved in the conversation! They just went about talking like I wasn't even in the damn room. Now what you need to understand is that I have an actual office, not a cubicle that could be mistaken for a common area.

There are about a million other things that I hate about this mind numbing, soul sucking job of mine, but I'm pretty sure nobody wants to hear me bitch about it. So, I'll go and have a glass of wine and daydream a little about opening my own catering company and try to think of something more amusing to write about tomorrow.

Monday, January 09, 2006

One Wedding Took Place, One Didn't

So after all the drama surrounding my dumbass brother-in-law screwing over his friends on their wedding day and basically telling off all his other friends for telling him that he is a complete moron for taking off for Vegas to get married to someone he's known for 2 weeks, he called Nick on Sunday. He didn't even go through with it!!!

Okay, honestly I still think he's a total dumbass, but now I even have less respect for him (something I didn't think possible). If you're going to basically burn every bridge and screw up pretty much every relationship you have with your friends and family, shouldn't it at least be for something? I'd have more respect for him had he had the balls to actually have a conviction and say "This is what's going to make me happy and this is something I truly believe in" and go through with it than to cause all this turmoil for absolutely NADA!

Oh, and he actually had the guts to call the tux shop and ask for a refund! Yes...Jen's dad ended up having to pay for someone else to get a tux at the last minute because my shit for brains brother-in-law got the money back on his tux rather than just using that money for his replacement to be able to get his tux. Of all the freaking low class things he did this one pretty much just confirms that he's a total jerk.

I'm pretty much done dealing with him. He causes this kind of shit waaaay to often and it's not something I want to associate myself with anymore. Yes... he's Nick's brother, so I'll always have some kind of connection with him, but I don't really think he's the kind of person I want to continue being friends with. That may sound harsh, but believe me this is not the first time he's done something this stupid and I can guarantee it won't be the last. Basically, he needs to grow the fuck up.

However....Jen and Brad's wedding was beautiful. Everything went off without a hitch and they both looked so happy. After all the stress and expense, in the end I'm really glad that Nick and I could be a part of it. I promise as soon as I get pictures developed, I'll post them.

I did kind of loose it at one point in the wedding. During the ceremony they presented their mom's, stepmothers and grandmothers with roses, which is something Nick and I did during our wedding. At our wedding, my stepdad (who was a musician) performed a song that he had written for me while we were doing that. Well....Jen and Brad wanted to surprise their moms, so they didn't tell anyone they were going to do this. I was completely unprepared for it and it just reminded me of how much I miss my stepdad, so I got a little emotional. Thank goodness I had the brains not to want to ruin my makeup, so there was no flat-out bawling, but I did get a little teary eyed.

I also found out that Jen's cousin and I were separated at birth. I swear we are so much alike that it's terrifying, but I had a blast hanging out with her and will definitely be calling her if/when I ever go to Dallas.

So...everything considered, this weekend actually turned out well. Granted, I woke up Sunday with a serious case of laryngitis and still can't talk very well, but Nick thinks this is some kind of bonus to the whole weekend.

Friday, January 06, 2006

Nightmare!!! that the holidays are over and I actually have a spare second here and there, I promise more frequent updates. I would love to re-cap my holidays and do a post on my New Year's resolutions and all that crap, but that is all going to have to wait because something happened last night that is so freaking unbelievable that I have to write about it.

So here's the deal....last night was the rehearsal dinner for my friends wedding on Saturday. My brother-in-law was there because he's an usher and escorting someone's grandmother or something down the aisle. My brother-in-law (who we will refer to as Omlette) brought his new girlfriend (who we will refer to as the gap toothed hillbilly, or GTH for short).

Now..before we get any further into this story, keep in mind the fact that Omlette and GTH have only known each other for approximately 2 weeks and this is the first time Nick and I (or pretty much anyone else for that matter) have met her. Nick's parents have been out of the country since October, so they have never had the pleasure(?) of meeting GTH either.

So the rehearsal goes as smoothly as any wedding rehearsal ever does and we all go to dinner after. Nick and some of the other people in the wedding were going to go out for drinks after dinner and, since I am sick as a dog, I decided to go home. The next thing I know, it's 4:30 in the goddamn morning and I hear Nick on the phone with someone freaking out.

I wake up out of my Benedryl induced coma, and this is the conversation that followed:

Me: What in the name of all that is holy is going on?

Nick: My jackass brother is a moron!!

Me: We already knew that, why are you screaming about it at 4:30 in the morning?

Nick: He's not going to be at Brad and Jen's wedding, that asshole!

Me: WHAT?!?! He already has the tux! Jen's going to freak out and Brad's going to kill him! Why isn't he going to be there?

Nick: Because he's leaving for Vegas at 6:55 AM to get married!

Me: WHAT?!?!? Who's he marrying?

Nick: GTH!

Me: Is she pregnant?

Nick: I don't think so.

Me: Oooooohhh! You parents are going to LOVE this!

Nick (looking slightly pale at the thought): I should probably call them. What time is it in Dubai?

Me: Who the hell cares, just call them. I can't wait to hear what they have to say about this.

Nick goes to call his parents and they, of course, freaked out. Nick got on the phone with Rod, Omlette's best friend, to see if maybe Rod could talk some sense into him and, of course, Rod freaked out. Everyone calls Omlette and asks him what in the hell he's thinking and why the fuck he's marrying the GTH and Omlette tells everyone to fuck off and basically says that he wants nothing to do with any of us anymore since we can't accept this (only he didn't say it nearly as nicely as that). He then goes on to say that this is the first spontaneous thing he's ever done in his life and he's going to get married whether we like it or not.

First of all.....BULLSHIT! This is the same idiot who is constantly getting drunk, causing drama, spontaneously passing out in bars and causing all sorts of other spontaneous drunken drama.

Second of all...what 32 year old woman with a career and new town house decides to marry a 29 year old semi-alcoholic pizza delivery boy with no prospects for his future after knowing him for two weeks?

Third of all, what kind of 29 year old semi-alcoholic pizza delivery boy decides to leave his friend in the lurch the day before their wedding? Um...nevermind...forget I asked that.

Well, I should probably go and get some work done, but I'm sure I'll have another update this afternoon once we find out more of the story and see if they actually ended up getting married.