Holy Shit!!

This is unbelievable. Seriously...I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop, because this is just unfuckinebelieveable.

Nick had been looking for a new job over the last few months because he really hated the people he worked for. Yeah...things were real pleasant around here with both of us hating our jobs. At any rate, he had an interview a couple of weeks ago with one company and then another informal interview with a company he used to work for. The first company called him today and made him an offer. A really good offer. About half an hour later his old company called (a company that he loved working for, but that closed the store he used to manage and didn't have another available store at the time) and made him an even better offer!

Basically...we're not going to loose the house after all. It will be tight until I find a job, but we crunched the numbers and we're going to close on the house on the 24th. I can't believe it!!! I am seriously in total shock.

I had an interview today (well, yesterday actually since it's 4AM....damn insomnia is back again) that went well, and a couple of more interviews lined up for next week. Maybe I'll get a new job fairly soon and then everything really will be okay.

I'll tell you one thing...going through this emotional roller coaster of being excited about the house to being devastated about loosing the house to being amazed that we're going to get the house after all has my head spinning. I am just so unbelievably greatful that this worked out.

And so unbelievable in awe of all the shit we have that I'm going to have to start packing. Serously? We have waaaay too much stuff because Nick's a total packrat, but since he's basically my hero at this point, I don't think I'll bitch too much about it.

Heartbroken

This is probably the hardest entry I've ever had to write. I'm sitting here in my office at home blubbering like a two year old just trying to put the words together, so bear with me if this ends up some odd stream of consciousness thing rather than a cohesive entry.

A couple of weeks ago I received a call from my employment agency telling me that the company I was working for had called them and wanted to buy out my contract and make me a permanent employee. This was great news because even though I hated my job and the bitch I was working for, it would make the financing for the house easier. I told our mortgage broker...the file went to underwriting...everything was all set and we were to close on our house the 24th.

Sunday I got a call from the agency telling me that I had lost my job. No explanation, no nothing. We're still trying to figure out what the hell happened, because the agency can't get a response from that fucking evil bitch, Joyce (I guess now that I don't work there anymore, there's nothing stopping me from using her name).

On Monday I went up to the office to talk to her and find out exactly what happened, but she wasn't there. I did find out that 3 other people lost their jobs as well. I know that business had been really slow lately and that jobs weren't coming in very quickly. It had gotten so slow the bitch had been sending the manufacturing staff home because there was no work. I assume this had something to do with the layoffs but since the bitch is incommunicado, I don't know that for a fact.

Tomorrow I'm going to have to call the mortgage people and tell them that I lost my job. Since our approval was contingent upon both Nick and I being employed, we're going to loose the house because our financing won't be approved. I am beyond heartbroken. I'm completely devastated.

I am so damn tired of waiting for things to work out. I'm so tired of trying and trying to make a better life for Nick and I only to have everything fall to shit. I just keep wondering if we will EVER catch a fucking break. I'm starting to think the answer is "dream on, bitch".

I basically feel worthless. I feel like I've completely disappointed my friends, my family and most especially, my husband. Nick is amazing and supportive and understanding and I've pretty much gone and screwed up his life. Of course, he has never said anything remotely like that, but deep down I feel like that's how he feels. Yes, it's beyond presumptions to assume that I know how he feels better than he does, but I can't help but think that that's what he's thinking about me.

I know on a logical level that we'll get past it. We'll move on and eventually everything will be okay. On emotional level I think that's a pile of crap and that I'm pretty much doomed to have everything I touch turn to shit.

My head's just in a really, really bad place and right now I don't know how to get past it. Hell...right now I don't know why I should even bother to try and get past it since nothing ever seems to work out the way it should.

I'll look for a new job. I'll try and keep busy so as not to go insane sitting at home with nothing to do all damn day. I'll clean compusively to try and keep my mind off of things. I'll go to the library, I'll cook dinner, I'll work out, I'll try to have some semblance of my normal life....but deep down I think this is going to effect me for a very long time. I think it's going to change the way I look at a lot of things. I know it's going to change my expectations of things.

So here's the question...how the hell do I get past this?

It's Funny Beause It's True

Fucking Hell pt. Deux

NOTE: This will probably make more sense if you read the first entry below entitled "Fucking Hell".

I managed to make it home without killing anyone. A quick stop to the wine store has provided me with two bottles of Pinot Noir, so now I'm ready to continue the saga of the day from hell.

Where was I? Ahhh yes, the Soul Shattering Psycho called me and demanded chicken quesadillas. I knew I shouldn't have answered my damn phone. After questioning the nice folks at Taco Cabana to see if arsenic would be an extra charge, I bring the SSP her fucking quesadilla. Rather than actually saying something trite like "Thank you" she looks me dead in the face and says "What took you so long?" I was both proud and amazed at my restraint when I didn't dump her Diet Coke in her lap.

Fucking Hell.

The day progresses slowly as hell. Basically it's one damn problem after another and I get my ass chewed out by the SSP another 15 times or so. The good news is that I'm not the only one getting my ass chewed out...pretty much everyone is fair game as far as this bitch is concerned. I actually had one of our sales people come into my office and start crying.

Fucking Hell.

I'm not good with crying people. I always say the wrong thing. After she finished crying and carrying on about how mean and unfair the SSP is the only answer I could come up with was "Welcome to my world, glad you could visit". Probably not the nice, reassuring comment she was looking for, but oh-fucking-well.

About 3:00 I call my home phone to check the messages and hear this weird message from some moving company saying "Hi Nick. We've got you all scheduled for tomorrow, we'll be there between 8-10 in the morning to pack all your stuff and move it to your new house"

What the fuck? Either Nick has finally gotten sick of my crazy ass and is leaving me or some movers are coming to pack up all my shit and move it into a house that isn't finished being built yet.

Fucking Hell.

I call Nick who assures me that he's not leaving my crazy ass (yet) and that he'll call the movers and tell them not to move all my shit into an unfinished house.

Oh yeah...Monday and Tuesday were equally as hellish. Tomorrow doesn't look much better, and I've learned that my dad has skin cancer, my uncle's cancer has spread and now they're stopping treatment and focusing on "just making him comfy", they put the wrong tile in my master bathroom and there's a chance Nick might loose his job.

Fucking Hell.

I need to go and drink MUCH more wine now.

Fucking Hell

Okay, I'm sure I've already titled a post "Fucking Hell" but sometimes there is just no other word/phrase that sums up my day as well, so why don't we just call this "Fucking Hell pt. 2".

I should have know this day was going to go badly when I got to work early so that I could finish off some paperwork before heading out to that hell on earth known as the City of Houston permitting office. I flip on the computer and walk down the hall to get some coffee, grab the coffee pot (that I had noticed yesterday had a wee little crack in it) and the entire bottom of the coffee pot falls off dumping a full pot of very hot coffee all over me.

After cleaning up the mess and bitching for a good 5 minutes about what I am sure are third degree burns, I brew another pot of coffee, pour myself a very large cup and go back to my office, where I promptly spill the entire thing all over myself, my desk, my calendar and my rolodex while trying to answer my phone.

Fucking Hell.

While I'm trying to mop up all the coffee with the cheap ass paper towels that are about as absorbent as a fucking rock that our office manager ordered, my boss (hence forth to be known as the Soul Shattering Psycho or SSP for short) comes into my office and declares that she's sending the new Project Coordinator to the permitting office to pull the permits so that I can stay in the office.

Now...this may not sound like a big deal, but the permitting office in Houston is staffed by Nazi's who's only mission in life is to deny permits. Basically...you had better know your shit and be able to defend your position with these people. The new Project Coordinator (PC) who has worked here a total of 3 days was in no way prepared for this. Add to that the fact that these are really big jobs worth A LOT of money and pretty much everyone can understand why it was necessary for me to be there in person.

Everyone that is but the SSP who sent the goddamn PC to the permitting office. She was gone for 4 hours. She came back with no permits. I have to explain to my clients why their jobs are not going to go into production on time.

Fucking Hell.

About an hour after all of this, I get called into the SSP's office who proceeds to ask me "Is anything wrong"? I ask her why she thinks something is wrong and she gets this odd sympathetic look on her face and says "Well, you've lost a lot of weight really quickly and you've got really dark circles under your eyes and you seem really stressed out".

I point out the fact that I am really stressed out and that the reason I've lost weight so quickly is because I never have a chance to do normal things like grocery shop or eat lunch because I'm so damn busy at work and that the dark circles are a combination of the fact that I'm a raging insomniac and when I finally get to sleep, I wake right the fuck up because I'm dreaming about work.

The SSP then proceeded to ask me if I was sure I wasn't on drugs. I told her that were I on drugs, I'd be in a much better mood.

Fucking Hell.

About an hour later SSP comes into my office and starts digging though my inbox, my files and basically sending my office into disarray. I ask her what she's looking for and she screams at me "I'm looking for that file I asked you for over an hour ago!!!". That's all well and good except for the fact that she never asked me for any file. I point this out in the most diplomatic way possible and more screaming from the SSP results.

Fucking Hell.

I decide I'm going to go to lunch (something I rarely ever do), which is basically code for "I'm going to drive around while chain smoking and listening to music in the attempt to calm down before I kill someone because I'm really pissed off". I pull out of the parking lot and am gone for a total of 10 minutes before SSP is calling me on my cellphone telling (note that I said telling as opposed to asking) me to pick her up a chicken quesadilla from Taco Cabana and bring it back to the office as soon as possible because she's starving.

Seriously? Fucking Hell.

About 5 minutes after this I learn that something went haywire with my direct deposit and my paycheck wasn't in my account like it should be. I get the payroll assholes on the phone and they agree to wire the money into my account. No big deal...mistakes happen. I checked my account later and learned that my bank charges a $10 fee for receiving wire transfers, so basically the payroll assholes' screw up just cost me ten bucks.

Fucking Hell.

Okay...time to go home, so I'll finish this later tonight after I get a few drinks in me. Yeah...nothing good can come of this.